PMs and MPs and Commons and Lords

Dawn Philips, a bar worker from Buffalo, has been added to Queen Elizabeth II’s New Year’s Honors list for accurately understanding what was going on in Brexit for a second or two.  

Philips, 28, has been awarded the honorary damehood despite the title ordinarily being reserved for UK citizens. Recipients of the honors are usually announced in January, but Philips’ feat is thought to be so rare, even for a Brit, that the Palace informed her right away. 

“I don’t know how it happened,” says Philips. “One minute I was pouring a beer for a customer, and the next I’m explaining why the backstop was always the achilles heel of the PMs entire deal, and that the DUP along with other MPs will most probably reject the deal, even though it was signed off by the EU back in November.” She then reportedly followed up her initial statement with, “Brexit is batshit crazy.”

Within 2 minutes of Philips’ protestation, an owl flew through the door of the bar with a letter bearing the royal seal of Buckingham Palace, notifying her of her impending damehood. 

Frank Parsons, 56, the customer Philips was serving at the time says, “As a straight white male it’s usually me who is giving unsolicited explanations and opinions about politics to female bar staff. This time the boot was on the other foot. It was weird.”

If you genuinely want to know WTF is Brexit anyway, well LOL GOOD LUCK AND GODSPEED. This is a good place to start:

If you’ve already been following along for the past couple of years but want to know why on earth the Irish border keeps getting mentioned in connection with Brexit, or why the word ‘backstop’ is being bandied about so much recently, check out this short video explainer.

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Holly Kirkpatrick wrote this article. Her podcast with Rise is called LIFTED. Find it anywhere you listen, or right here on Spotify:

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