It’s not like the internet is new.

Sometime in the last few months, members of the House of Representatives were told “You can google yourself you know. Check it out.”

They did. And found nothing but bad stories about themselves, and Trump, and they said “What the hell, Google! Why are you screwing me over?”

No really. They called Google CEO Sundar Pichai to Capitol Hill to ask him just that. They made him fly across the country so that they could say to his face, “Is there some guy named Seo who is trying to ruin my career by putting facts and opinions right in the face of, and let me use finger quotes here, Internet users?”

It wasn’t just Republicans still thinking it’s the 1980s, as you may have guessed. It was also Democrats, who still think it’s the 1990’s, participating in a bipartisan festival of “Make Myself Look Like an Idiot in front of the Cameras.”

Look at this piece of cabbage:

Then Rep Steve King took a break from being wildly racist to say “Hey Google, why is my 7-year-old granddaughter able to use an iPhone to look up stories about how racist I am?”

Have you ever punished that Seo guy for all the evil he has done “BEHIND THE CURTAIN?!”

Off the bat, this isn’t meant to be ageist. There are plenty of older adults in Congress who do understand how the internet works. They sat this hearing out.

I love my grandparents, and I love that when my sister posts photos of her sons, they comment “Thank You” because they think she sent the photos directly to them! It’s cute and it’s why it’s better to be friends on Facebook with your grandparents than your parents.


My grandparents, however, aren’t elected representatives to federal office.

Why on earth do we still think it’s a cool move to vote for these people who have been roaming the halls of Congress like a bunch of zombies waiting for a telegraph to arrive? It’s not just a funny thing that they don’t get it. On a small scale, this was a waste of your tax dollars. We could be solving real problems with this time.

On a larger scale, it’s worrisome. When is the last time any of these Cold Warriors did a fact check on something, maybe some lie made up about immigrants or refugees by Trump for example?

And you may say, oh come on, they have a young staff helping them. Do they? Did any single member of their staff say “Hey Bob, maybe don’t ask that on national television because I could explain it to you in 15 seconds instead.”

Yet, they keep winning our votes. Why? Because they’re rich? Well, they clearly didn’t earn their millions using any modern technology, the kind of technology that matters in determining your financial future. So why do they get our respect and votes, after embarassing us all like this on countless occasions?

Maybe at the next debate, ask these reality dodgers questions about how and why they use technology, and not some beach ball like “Are you going to raise my taxes or not?” You’ll probably find their answers far more telling, and actually determine if this person warrants your vote.

God Damnit.